Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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