He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
