therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
