she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
