It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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