the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
