Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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