JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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