Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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