I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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