just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
