I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
