My hand turned me down
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Operation Purity has been aborted
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
