accomplished twins. life is a go
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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