I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
