Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
