so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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