She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
