we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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