Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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