So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
