I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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