So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
