I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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