She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize