I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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