I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
