Someone shit on the floor
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
