Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
