I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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