If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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