I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
