break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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