He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
