i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
