i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
