I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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