i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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