Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
