Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
