i just had sex bonerless
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are the jesus of drinking
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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