Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
