The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
