i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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