If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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