My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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