soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
