I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
