I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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