Cold hands, warm shart.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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