Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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