Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
