So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
