Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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