I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
