Im at strip club and am horny
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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