whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize