I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize