Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
