I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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