she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
