hotel room ftw
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
