everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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