I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
