...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
