I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
