I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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