It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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