I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
