totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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