So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
