Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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