OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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