no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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