So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
God, I missed his penis.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
