i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
