Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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