i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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