So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Randomize
