I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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