I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
